Friday, December 08, 2006

being introvert


And it can be lonely inside but that is where I am most of the time. When I look outside through the little viewfinder, the world is big and threatening. As a result of which, I climb back into my shell and take with me whatever it is that I find soothing and safe. But the choices I make are always inaccurate. I invite disasters into my tiny hut. I am now sick because of that. I no longer know what to say and what to feel. I can't even tell if I know what love is other than it being a romantic concept.

As each second clocks by, I feel enclosed, entrenched and bound. By what, I don't know. I stop nearly all artistic expressions because I don't wan't to share. In fact, I feel that I refrain from truly loving because I can't locate more seeds to plant. I am barren, devoid of light.

I quit talking.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

surfing board

I have been living unconsciously for a long time. Each event that happened brings about an opening of the heart. The mind becomes less active. Thoughts no longer beat like a drum but sing like a flute. I am going through certain experiences to awaken an embeded truth. People that I meet and fall so deeply in love with, situations that bite into every bit of my body, enemies that drive me to the end of the world and losses that become unbearable to support pass by like fleeting hawks. I am not them. I am not us. I am not anything. I am not this and that. They come and go and I still am. Nothing happened. I am.