tomb

I can't recall as to when did my good friend recommend Studs Terkel's works to me; maybe about a month ago. I only took time to look for his book yesterday. The theme of this book is "death". It is highly provocative since many will avoid this indelible certainty like a plague. However Terkel interviewed a variety of people about this issue and they eleborated on it with ease. From fire fighters to actors, no one ran away from the eyes of death.

Terkel did not write about "death" from the religious nor the secular point of view. He went knocking from door to door and asked people about it. After all, Terkel is a well known and respected American oral historian.

A hilarious event happened when purchasing the book. I went to a particular bookshop and conducted a search on one of its computers for this title. When the results came back, the book was listed under the "DEATH" category. I was shocked and within seconds burst out laughing. I seriously have not seen a "DEATH" category anywhere in the bookshop.

So, I gracefully skipped over to the information counter and inquired on this issue. Even the sales assistant couldn't help but to smile bashfully at me. After going through the computer, he said, "Come miss, I will show you where "DEATH" is."

I replied, "Death oh Death! I embrace thee with love!"

shout

The only person who knows me is me. It is a grave mistake to hope for others to relate to me because I find until today that no one is listening to each other. Even I don't.

Happy Friday the 13th! Have fun.

misunderstood

Maybe it is a fetish or to be honest, I enjoy the attention. I always liked to be different. In other words, I like to be a nerd, someone who is alienated because I am not a photocopy of everyone else.

But I would like to share with you that everyone is a nerd. We are all different. We can like the same thing, for example we enjoy a game of tennis. We go fishing together. It is impossible to be completely alike. We can on the surface pretend to be a flock of sheep wearing A&F t-shirts, Versace jeans and Nike shoes. However, I can tell you that deep down you just want to scream out and say "Hei! Look at me! I am not like them. I am unique! Don't mistake me for them."

So before we tease poor Mr and Ms Wallpaper, take a look in the mirror and see a dumb-nerd smiling back.

5 wood

Happy Birthday, Forest (the Prince among the 3 Golden Flowers - not the orange guy at the back)

From fan to friend

Singing hand-in-hand

Travelling across the land

Happy until the end.

oink

MY NEW CHU-PIG FAMILY

Pigs are fantastically cute, for obvious reasons.

connections

I believe it was Danielle Steel who wrote in her magnificient book, "The Gift" that some people are meant to stay forever in our lives while some are there for just one moment in time. I can't remember the exact words. Whatever the time period, these beautiful folks have touched my life with their sincerity, love, kindness, HONESTY and compassion. I am thankful that you are all in my life whether for just 6 days or 15 years. You have impressed upon me the truth of sharing, unity and caring. I know that some of you may have been rude to me and that I have hurt you too. Irrespective of the consequences, I have faith in the core of your goodness; that behind the image of being a tough, strong and demanding person lies a giving, loving and gentle soul. I treasure each second that I spend with you and each second is eternity.

you're beautiful

I am not a presentable singer and I am no where near being one. But I always imagine singing for my idol, Sally Yeh. Her voice is of course flawless and extremely mesmerising. Mine pales in comparison to hers. However, I thought it would be special if I could sing for her after listening to her voice for 15 years. Believe it or not, I did. It was on her birthday that we went to the karaoke. Her badminton-friends are warm, friendly and fun. They insisted that the fans must sing. So, I gathered-up my courage and sang my heart out. I sang "Wah Lai Yuen" and "Lan Hua Cao"; both of which are songs by Sally. But the best song that I sang that night was "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt. I love it!

the birthday bash!!!

smashin'

The 13th World Chinese Badminton Championship was held in Puchong, Malaysia from September 29th - October 1st. Being an august event, the ambassador of the International Badminton Federation, Sally Yeh was invited to grace the occasion. It is unfortunate that she sprained her calf muscle a week ago. Therefore, she could not take part in the game. Her best friend, Loletta Chu who was former Miss Hong Kong participated with the rest of the Hong Kong team. Although she didn't win, she surely put up a tough fight against one of China's top female player, Chen Ping; taking into account that Loletta is not a professional player while Chen is.

I must add that the venue, Michael's Badminton Academy is not a fantastic choice to hold such competitions because it is very stuffy in there - extremely poor ventilation and bad sanitation.

Birthday Girl SALLY!

Fans of Sally are lucky that she spent her birthday in Malaysia. So, there I was having a good time at two birthday parties with Sally. Isn't Sally adorable?

An autographed t-shirt from Sally.

The shopping group - Sally, Loletta, Jessica, Denise and me went shopping at Mid Valley and KLCC for one whole day! Sally and Loletta are great shoppers and they really mean business when they shop! But still I had so much of fun that day.

G5 - Loletta's bodyguard

Thrash those damn magazine reports and Hong Kong paparazzi who chased after Loletta. I don't understand why must the media create untrue stories to increase sales of their publications. I personally kicked some arse when she was harassed by the media. Being followed and questioned by the paparazzi is irritating and dangerous, I know how it feels now. Loletta is too decent and nice to be treated this way.

persistence

A tree is known by its fruit; we by our deeds. A good deedis never lost; one who sows courtesy reaps friendship, andone who plants kindness gathers love.

- Saint Basil

I am the first to admit that it takes a lot of endurance to mend a relationship, especially when your efforts seem to be met with indifference. When you start giving another person your best, especially in an emotionally entangled relationship, he may not notice it for weeks. This kind of indifference can really sting. You want to go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, and say, "Hello, Thomas, I've just beenkind to you." Thomas would say, "Oh, thank you, I didn't even know it" - not because he was trying to be rude, but because he was preoccupied with himself.

To be patient and go on giving your best, you can't have expectations about how other people are going to respond. You can't afford to ask, "Does he like me? Does he even care?" What does it matter? You're growing. You're learning how to rub off the edges and corners that make human relationships difficult. You are becoming the kind of person that everyone wants to be with, that everyone admires and feels comfortable with.

E.E.

theme

Song : The Reason by Hoobastank

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you


*****

I repeatledly listened to this song in the last four days. Each time I did, I thought about the people in my life whom I have allowed to slip and fall. People I professed to love and care but I didn't stand-up for. I am not elavating my status by placing myself higher in rank than everyone else. I am no where near to being perfect.

However, when I focus out of myself and onto others, I feel them. I have fallen in love with people. This world is no longer about me and what I want. In the pursuit of my dreams, I am doing so in relation to other people. No man is an island and we are not self-sufficient. We need support, family, friends, care, love and for others to listen to us. Listening is a powerful exercise. When I listen to a friend with every part of body, mind and spirit; the entire ambience in the room shifted. I no longer hear the formation and sound of words but I intuitively feel her feelings. The throbbing pain she experienced around her heart region becomes mine.

It is normal that we only listen to those who share common problems with us. We rarely care about the success and happiness they are experiencing. Even if we do, we try to find faults and to criticise out of jealousy and envy. Can we put our needs aside for ten minutes and listen with joy and love to what another wishes to share?

When conversing with anyone, we tend to find an opportunity to tell our victim stories too. If friend A talks about her love life, specifically about her first love, we race down our memory lane to locate our first love romance. Is this really sharing or is it a chance for us to unload our personal stories without truly listening to one another?

the reason

Many things happened lately. I can't even begin to describe the intensity of the experiences I went through. So, let me start by saying that I am not a perfect person. There were many things that I shouldn't have done and I will continue to face limitless breakdowns. This is something that I live with everyday, forever. Mistakes and failures will occur without warning. I will be hurt, rejected, disappointed, ridiculed and left behind. But this is good news because I then have an opportunity to improve and to grow. Life cannot be more fulfilling than this. Everything that I do, I am passionate about it. Accidents don't happen. All events occur for a reason. The problem is that not every person gets the messages urgently and takes them seriously. So we go through life leaping from one life boat to another. Nothing spectacular happens because "I am not good enough".

As for me, life is great. I have never felt so much of pain than in the last few days, but life is still great. Even with my imperfections, I will give, love and care for everyone.

Carpe Diem. Seize the day, my friends before we are fed to the fishes in the sea.

it's all coming back

If I have to choose one person other than my parents, one person who shaped my mind and personality; it will be the lady who offered me M & M's and chocolates every time I visited her. She always kept a bottle of the colourful-chocolate-pebbles in her office. Whenever I ran to her for help regarding school work or just to chat, she passed me the bottle.

She showered me with kindness when no one cared or worse, they thought poorly of me. I was ostracized because I was unattractively me. I didn't try to be like them.

Many years lapsed since I left school but memories of her are engraved onto every cel in my body. In fact, when the ride is rough, her kindess and compassion kept me going. Deep down, I know that once upon a time, a nerdy and constantly baffled teenager was salvaged by a caring teacher.

She didn't only teach me law, but she showed to me how to be a person of integrity. There was an incident that brought to light the bulwark of fairness. She protected me against a group of teachers who shamelessly joked about a self-made Teacher's Day card I gave her. Somehow, a law student can't giver her teacher a card of love and appreciation. It became the talk of the town, for reasons I never understood. It was branded "uncool", I was told.

The fabulous news is that she liked the card. I was happy. Not only because she defended me and as a result infuriated her colleagues, but because she stood up for what she believed was right.

We drifted apart after I graduated. I don't know why. Although I talk and think of her regularly. I reckon I praised her endlessly in front of many of my friends. By chance, a classmate of mine met her at a law conference. My name was being mentioned and she remembers nearly everything about me.

It is all coming back now. Time to pick-up the telephone. She no longer lives in my past. I feel her presence once more.

starry poster

star lab

I went for a haircut. My hair is very short now. It happens every six months or so. I have the habit of letting it grow and when I am irritated, crop crop crop.

Ah! Look at the food and how I gracefully attack them. But the point of this photo is my unkempt hair. Yes, I do resemble Hong Kong veteran actress / host, Lydia Sum. (Not anymore)

*************

These will be used as promotional material during the short film festival.

Good luck!

starry starry night

Our short film titled Twinkle Twinkle Big Big Star reached the finals. We will be competing against 7 other finalists this Sunday, August 13th. I look forward to seeing what happens in the end. I used to believe that it does not matter if no one else watches the films I produce or a piece of art I create. Now I realised that this is purely a politically correct statement. Not that it matters - it is not a question of whether it matters or not - but it feels like standing naked in front of a group of strangers. People who would either love, hate or ignore your work. The film-makers are judged and analysed by critics and everyone. What is produced on screen reflects the soul of the makers. I am curious. Is that really me?

simplicity

Sometimes what lies ahead can be frightening. The legs are heavy therefore, movement is impossible. Fear creeps in and the stomach knots in to a fist. As the cobra extends its hood like wings, every nerve of your body tensed into rigidity. One strike and it is over. You feel its paralysing venom sipping into your blood.

But what do you do when a King Cobra coincides face to face with you?

"Dad, it’s a snake."

"Ssshs! Shut-up, Sean. And don't move!” Mitch warned his son.

Five-year-old Sean looked curiously at his father who was weltered in sweat. His entire body weight was resting on his elbows. After 5 minutes he had problems fixing on one position. He started to tumble to the side. However, his eyes never left the piercing cold stare of the cobra. Its forked-tongue vibrating to a faint "hsss".

"Can we keep him as a pet?"

"Sean, if you don't shut the f*** up, we will die!"

"Why?"

"Because the slightest wrong move will anger the snake to attack us!"

"Then we make him happy. I will give him my candy bar."

Sean immediately pulled out a packet of sweets from his pocket and waved it in front of the snake.

"Dad, Mr. Snake likes candies." he giggles.

"Put that down and stop moving!" His muscles tightened as he tried to stop Sean from getting up.

But something long and slippery that glided over his legs halted him.

"I am going to die!" he screamed and pushed Sean away. He lay flat on the floor and watched the cobra swim between Sean and him.

Its head suddenly jerked-up preparing to seal Mitch’s fate. There was no time for Mitch to say his last prayers and to think of his son. He didn’t want to die.

However the cobra was behaving strangely. Instead of crunching its fangs into Mitch’s flash, it hovered above his chest in a ceremonial fashion as if to make fun of him. It slowly rotates its upper body to look at Sean.

Mitch released a sigh of relief. “Anyone but me,” he thought.

He turned his head to watch the cobra swaying left and right in front of Sean. Sean laughed and played with it as if the lethal reptile was made of rubber. There was not a splinter of fear in his eyes. The camaraderie lasted for a few minutes.

The cobra puts an end to delicate swinging. It erected its body to full attention. Sean extended his hand to touch its head and simultaneously, the cobra politely bowed at him.

As fast as lightning, the cobra swiveled around to face Mitch. Its menacing forked-tongue pulsated before his nose.

“Hsssss…heartless coward…hsssss!” were heard escaping from its tongue.

The cobra gently slithered out of the store room. Mitch believed that he had imagined hearing the snake speak to him. The impending danger must have caused him to hallucinate.

"Shiva,” Sean said.

“What?”

“Mr. Snake told me his name is Shiva.”

adventure

Slumber:
I am so tired now I could sleep while typing. But a strange energy is keeping me awake to complete this posting. I would also like to find out how much better I can express myself this way.

Clarks:
I said goodbye to my pair of sandals. They walked many difficult and yet memorable paths and finally retired . My feet were well protected except from splashes of falling water from the sky. Many stories could be told from a pair of shoes. I wonder what were mine. Maybe I will pay closer attention to the new protector.

Dinner:
We had seafood ranging from delicious butter & cheese crab to clams. There were four of us; good company is the real flavour of food.

Music:
I am listening to Taiwan's everlasting singer, Cai Qin. This album is a soundtrack of a Taiwanese stage play. She sings and narrates certain parts of the play. Her deep voice keeps things simple, just like Chinese words. A single character is sufficient to tell an entire epic.

Blanket:
It is time to rest. Good night.

twinkle2 big2 star

As I was looking through the photographs, I noticed how much fun we had making this short film. There were not many high-tech equiptments and sophisticated lighting. In fact, we were stripped to the bare minimum. However, what we had were solid acting and a reasonably workable script. Not to forget, our cinematographer tried so hard to get the best angle possible. His dedication and seriousness attracted all of our admiration for him.

There is always the issue of not having enough time. Despite working under quite stringent circumstances, every actor gave his and her best performance. It was amazing. Some acted for the first time but this did not prevent their talent from surfacing. Even when asked to perform some rather challenging acts, not one actor turned down the request and said, "No!". The enthusiasm and strength shown by everyone involved are the driving force behind this film.

The explosion - I didn't mean to blow-up that night and I don't think I can or should give any excuses for doing so. It was no one's fault, honest. There are many ways to discussing an issue. So, my sincere apologies.

I hope that we can work on another project soon. Thank you very much. This is our film.

PS: Click on the picture for its larger version.

2 days

Everything is Illuminated or is it?

Two more days before I receive the photos. I intend to create a collage and post it here and I will write about what happened. It is a note of thanks and an explanation. I am not perfect and I have my bad moments. These moments are a nightmare for some and maybe others would symphatise. Not everything occurs for a reason that is comprehensible. For the time being, I will keep mum. When an answer is demanded from me openly or implicitly, it makes things very difficult as I already have plans to deal with the issue. I care for the project and a lot more for the people involved than anybody can understand. So it does hurt very much. Two more days and I hope I can provide for everyone a satisfactory answer.

api

When you go to a sushi bar, do you pay attention to the cooks who diligently make the sushi that circulate on the kaitan belt? Your eyes are busy scouting for your favourite sushi, while the hands are reaching for a can of wasabi and the head is thinking about school work, unpaid credit card bills or the latest movie. If not, you are busy chatting away with friends.

It is not weird or unacceptable to smile at the cooks and to notice how swiftly their fingers dance; stuffing rice into a piece of folded sea-weed. Their eyes concentrating on how the salmon should be arranged neatly.

My sis and I frequent a local sushi bar and it is a popular chain-store in KL. On one faithful day we made friends with a sushi chef. Something in the way she moved and crafted the sushi captured our attention. She was fast and yet precise, firm and at the same time gentle. From the instructions she issued, it was clear that she ranked higher than the other cooks. No matter how seriously she focused on her work, her voice and demeanour was always polite. She seemed rather strict and we tried our best to smile at her. She smiled back.

From that moment, we became her supporters. It is amazing how she responds to us each time we eat there. We know her name because she wore a name tag. Nevertheless, she doesn't know ours until now. We never had any formal conversation other than "Hi and bye".

The special treatment started on the third time we met her at the same sushi joint. We couldn't see her from outside and wondered if she was at work. So we asked the receptionist if she was in. To my surprise the receptionist said she was and immediately took off like an arrow into the kitchen to inform our special chef that some girls were there to see her.

I looked at my sis and we both hoped that we could each put on a mask to cover our faces. Left with no choice we sat down around the kaitan belt wondering if our chef would be angry with us. To be honest, we are not her friends. We were just regular customers and she does not own the sushi joint. She works there. She might not like to be disturbed.

Before we could device a plan, the kitchen door flung opened and there comes our special chef stretching her neck finding the girls who asked for her. At that point, I knew she didn't recognise us but I thought it was rude if I didn't surrender myself.

Feeling a gush of blood to my cheeks, I raised my hand to wave at her. She immediately spotted me and charmed who I was. She smiled and said "Hi!". My sis was laughing and covering her face with the menu. By way of gesture, she asked who was that giggling and hiding. I pulled down the menu and she exclaimed, "Oh!" and smiled cheerfully to my sis. She signaled to us that she was busy in the kitchen but would come out later. Actually, we were relieved that she was not annoyed.

We placed our orders and while enjoying our sukiyaki beef, she came out from the kitchen and made her way to behind the kaitan belt. She asked with a smile on her face, "Two California temaki hand rolls and one nishoku special?" We nodded with joy like kids who have been given two big bags of sweets.

The hidden message that we will only eat the hand rolls and nishoku she made reached her by unknown methods. I don't know how and why but she naturally gave us personal attention every time we hop in. She would take time off from her kitchen work to attend to us. After that, she goes back into the kitchen. We hardly talk to her. We only smile and smile and smile. That was miraculously enough to initiate a meaningful relationship!

We will tell her face to face that she is very nice. The hand rolls and sushi that she customised for us taste juicier and sweeter because she has a kind heart.

I know that you pay for the food. However, I hope the next time you walk into a eating-place, appreciate the cook who prepares your food. You will never know what surprises will spring-up at you.

Happy eating!

hands

It is irritating when a group of young male adults sitting near you start talking in a foreign language. They do not only talk but giggle, joked and make funny faces; in a fashion that you can guess they were dishonouring another person from their gestures and tone of voice. The question is who were they teasing?

Since you couldn’t understand a word they colourfully expressed and being the only person within their target area, you feel threatened. At that point of time you wish that English wasn’t the only language you spoke in an Asian country.

I know it is unfair for me to judge the three boys and conclude that they were gossiping about me in an unknown tongue. I should perhaps blame in on the fact that I didn’t learn their language well at school.

But then they were looking at me with such disturbing eyes and the smirk on their faces told everything about their speech. Maybe they didn’t like my “Superman” logo t-shirt.

Furthermore when someone is talking about you, the little voice in your heart buzzes your senses. You just know it. Has it not happened to you before?

What else could I do but to play dumb?

I continued reading for the rest of the journey. However I was deviously watching their reflections from the window. I couldn’t see very much but they didn’t stop their pranks for one second. The chubby boy kept pushing his skinny friend’s head or performing other childish acts. The nerdy-looking boy was trying hard to keep-up with his friends’ domineering actions. One could tell that he was slower.

Although I found them annoying at the beginning, after observing their silly mimics and foolish chatters, they were only having fun.

We arrived at the station. I stepped out of the train as fast as I could. There was a short set of steps leading from the platform to the turnstile where we lodge our tickets.

As I took the last step I heard their laughter and turned to look. That was when I realized the nerdy-looking boy was a polio victim. His legs were incredibly thin and his feet curved in. From the back, his pair of legs seemed like twisted wires. He had troubles walking. Each step he took, his entire hip swayed either to the left or right. To keep balanced, both his hands have to be extended out to the side.

He was standing at the top of the steps and there was no way he could descend without falling over. The chubby friend spontaneously gave him a helping hand and with ease, the two friends walked pass me.

I smiled. It was a beautiful night and a magical moment.