XXXXXX XXXX

It was surprisingly quiet on the train for a Friday night. The regular “gung gang gung gang” and “eeeek iiiiikk tishhhhhhh” were barely audible. Maybe the train engine was tired like many of the passengers. Its usual concerto left trails that could easily go missing if one didn’t pay attention. I somewhat felt relieved because I wanted to be left alone that night.

But still I couldn’t help to pay discreet consideration to the man sitting opposite. He was reading newspapers and will occasionally give me a glance or two. He resembles an overweight Hulk. The fuzzy hair and protruding bushy eyebrows carved a near perfect visual of the Hulk from the TV series. Instead of bulging muscles, this sumo-Hulk was draped in layers and layers of fat. His pants were incredibly tight as if they would bust any minute snapping the “Dunhill” belt. I just saw a buckle landing on my head.

I must clarify that he was not green but slightly tanned. It is not common for oversized green-men to roam the train. We normally have tiny green-men that fit in the pockets, known as Toyol. They are used in the practice of black magic and mainly created to perform mischief like stealing small items or to temporary blind the opponents in a game of poker. They are not to be seen by others except their owner.

I agree that one must not think less of another. It is asking to be slapped in the face by the same kind of judgement. As I was busy comparing sizes between Mr. Hulk and Baby Toyol, a tall and slim young lady appeared from nowhere and sat next to me. I was forced to put my bag on the floor. I was slightly irritated. Ms. Slim flashed the most charming smile. I ought to return the friendliness with a smile too but I casually ran my eyes over the rows of empty seats.

It was then when Mr. Hulk’s overflowing stomach caught my attention. He was trying so hard to hold his breath. Somehow he funnily believes that if he stopped breathing his flabby tummy would disappear and two lumps of chest muscles would instantaneously grow. This will definitely impress Ms. Slim.

My focus reverted to Ms. Slim again. She was waiting for a chance to talk to me but I ignored her. It was 11.40pm and all I wanted to do was to hibernate. Music continued to blast from the portable MP3 player into my ears. She was getting impatient, I could tell.

Finally, Ms. Slim made her first move. She passed me a piece of A4-sized-paper. The most infuriating words were clearly typed in bold.

DO YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT THE HEALTHY WAY? TRY XXXXXX XXXX! I CAN HELP YOU.

I admit that I need to shed some pounds but not this way, no matter how healthy. I hate to fall prey to aggressive sales strategy. It was approaching midnight and Ms. Slim should understand that to force a piece of paper into the face of a person who wishes not to talk is rude.

I took the piece of paper but didn’t feel the need to talk to a person who lacks courtesy. I searched for a pen and with it scribbled one word. “NO!” Immediately, I fished out a book and started to read. Ms. Slim sat around for five more minutes pondering upon her next step. She was indeed smart because she got up and sat next to Mr. Hulk instead of trying her luck with me one more time. It was appropriate as Mr. Hulk was about to faint from not inhaling.

Suddenly, Mr. Hulk’s stomach became two inches smaller. He listened in awe to Ms. Slim and thought she was a gift from heaven. He was glowing with pride because at last, big does equal to sexy until Ms. Slim showed him the XXXXXX XXXX product catalogue. “LOSE WEIGHT THE HEALTHY WAY” was etched on the cover of the catalogue folder. The stomach-hold gave way at once.

Three more stops before the final destination. I might as well enjoy the rest of the journey. The “gung gang gung gang” and “eeeek iiiiikk tishhhhhhh” are the best companions.