for everyone who can't freely love

There will never be a time when I can love you
That day is brightly bleak
Like the dark ways my love grows
Each minute you step further
I am closer to the truth
I will never see you again.

I don't love you because you are beautiful
I don't love you because you are fair
For if I know why I love you
The moon gently flies to the wolf
then the lonesome howling stops -
to a call for an answer home.

I love you because I do and not because I should
In these lines I confess I am a fool
To give my heart to a smile
But not when Romeo kisses Juliet
I don't play his part -
You are not a romance that hangs on a kite.

I love you because you are you
I can't love you because I am me
If I am you and you are me; I wonder -
Would you love me?
Or is this love just to you
Since I am on the other team.

I don't know where I will be
A million years from now
An atomic-burger digested by cosmic storm
Your being glues to my core
The final dance destroys not
Your kindess and trust, my love.

special olympics

A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100 yard dash.

At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one boy who stumbled onthe asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy. They slowed down and looked back. They all turned around and went back. Every one of them.

One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed himand said, "This will make it better." All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together.

Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know one thing.

What matters most in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What truly matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

metta

May there be peace, trust and compassion on earth.

I send you love and light.

bravo

Detachment from likes and dislikes, habits and opinions, is not a sign of weakness. It is an enormously strong and positive quality. Nor does freedom from likes and dislikes mean that life is insipid for us, but rather that we are not driven compulsively by rigid ways of thinking. Even if we don't get what we want - or if we do get what we don't want - we can still function cheerfully and efficiently.

Detachment from habits does not mean that we have no habits. Good habits can be very useful to cultivate in life. But we should be able to change our habits gracefully, or drop them altogether when necessary, especially if we learn that they are harmful to us or are not exactly endearing us to those around us. If we are used to a cup of coffee every morning with our breakfast and one morning we discover that we are out of coffee, we don't say, "I can't function without my coffee," and go back to bed. We should be able to say cheerfully, "I'll have tea instead - or soy milk."

E.E.

one step at a time

I have a dream and it is about something not necessary. It is what I always label to be an external fulfilment. But as long as I live in this world, so must I continue to playing its game. My desires, goals, feelings and negative dispositions are the concepts that the mind conjure. It is my only task to seperate truth from falsity.

I don't feel that I am coerced in to choosing between what is right and wrong. Because once I am debating in the realm of right and wrong, any decision I make is out of confusion and delusion. Then how can the question of what is right and wrong be a right question to ask?

Whenever a feeling operates from the ego or image, it is also operating from selfishness. Then I am taking from the person I declare to love. And that whoever comes near to the person I love, I feel threatened and try to defend my position. Whenever I work from the ego, each project is for a self-gratifying purpose. Then I only do things that benefit me. What is in it for me? Do I look good? Will I feel good?

Maybe no questions should be asked at all. Whatever feelings, emotions and actions that arise; they are synchronised incidents. It is what it is.

What I resist persists.

amore

Loletta Chu - Miss Hong Kong 1977

She walks in grace and charm.

She walks in strength and compassion.

What a beauty! What a woman!

An Interesting excerpt:

Lewi says:
the loletta pix looks modern, does not look like something taken in the 70's. she is beautiful.

Wendy - WenWenG5 says:
Gosh...it is not taken in the 70's, dear. Look at the date on the top right corner, it states 2005 in the month of December!!!!

Lewi says:
holy golly! how old is loletta now? was she 5 when she won Ms HK?

Wendy - WenWenG5 says:
47

Lewi says:
can't be true. i don't believ you.

tomb

I can't recall as to when did my good friend recommend Studs Terkel's works to me; maybe about a month ago. I only took time to look for his book yesterday. The theme of this book is "death". It is highly provocative since many will avoid this indelible certainty like a plague. However Terkel interviewed a variety of people about this issue and they eleborated on it with ease. From fire fighters to actors, no one ran away from the eyes of death.

Terkel did not write about "death" from the religious nor the secular point of view. He went knocking from door to door and asked people about it. After all, Terkel is a well known and respected American oral historian.

A hilarious event happened when purchasing the book. I went to a particular bookshop and conducted a search on one of its computers for this title. When the results came back, the book was listed under the "DEATH" category. I was shocked and within seconds burst out laughing. I seriously have not seen a "DEATH" category anywhere in the bookshop.

So, I gracefully skipped over to the information counter and inquired on this issue. Even the sales assistant couldn't help but to smile bashfully at me. After going through the computer, he said, "Come miss, I will show you where "DEATH" is."

I replied, "Death oh Death! I embrace thee with love!"

shout

The only person who knows me is me. It is a grave mistake to hope for others to relate to me because I find until today that no one is listening to each other. Even I don't.

Happy Friday the 13th! Have fun.

misunderstood

Maybe it is a fetish or to be honest, I enjoy the attention. I always liked to be different. In other words, I like to be a nerd, someone who is alienated because I am not a photocopy of everyone else.

But I would like to share with you that everyone is a nerd. We are all different. We can like the same thing, for example we enjoy a game of tennis. We go fishing together. It is impossible to be completely alike. We can on the surface pretend to be a flock of sheep wearing A&F t-shirts, Versace jeans and Nike shoes. However, I can tell you that deep down you just want to scream out and say "Hei! Look at me! I am not like them. I am unique! Don't mistake me for them."

So before we tease poor Mr and Ms Wallpaper, take a look in the mirror and see a dumb-nerd smiling back.

5 wood

Happy Birthday, Forest (the Prince among the 3 Golden Flowers - not the orange guy at the back)

From fan to friend

Singing hand-in-hand

Travelling across the land

Happy until the end.

oink

MY NEW CHU-PIG FAMILY

Pigs are fantastically cute, for obvious reasons.

connections

I believe it was Danielle Steel who wrote in her magnificient book, "The Gift" that some people are meant to stay forever in our lives while some are there for just one moment in time. I can't remember the exact words. Whatever the time period, these beautiful folks have touched my life with their sincerity, love, kindness, HONESTY and compassion. I am thankful that you are all in my life whether for just 6 days or 15 years. You have impressed upon me the truth of sharing, unity and caring. I know that some of you may have been rude to me and that I have hurt you too. Irrespective of the consequences, I have faith in the core of your goodness; that behind the image of being a tough, strong and demanding person lies a giving, loving and gentle soul. I treasure each second that I spend with you and each second is eternity.

you're beautiful

I am not a presentable singer and I am no where near being one. But I always imagine singing for my idol, Sally Yeh. Her voice is of course flawless and extremely mesmerising. Mine pales in comparison to hers. However, I thought it would be special if I could sing for her after listening to her voice for 15 years. Believe it or not, I did. It was on her birthday that we went to the karaoke. Her badminton-friends are warm, friendly and fun. They insisted that the fans must sing. So, I gathered-up my courage and sang my heart out. I sang "Wah Lai Yuen" and "Lan Hua Cao"; both of which are songs by Sally. But the best song that I sang that night was "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt. I love it!

the birthday bash!!!

smashin'

The 13th World Chinese Badminton Championship was held in Puchong, Malaysia from September 29th - October 1st. Being an august event, the ambassador of the International Badminton Federation, Sally Yeh was invited to grace the occasion. It is unfortunate that she sprained her calf muscle a week ago. Therefore, she could not take part in the game. Her best friend, Loletta Chu who was former Miss Hong Kong participated with the rest of the Hong Kong team. Although she didn't win, she surely put up a tough fight against one of China's top female player, Chen Ping; taking into account that Loletta is not a professional player while Chen is.

I must add that the venue, Michael's Badminton Academy is not a fantastic choice to hold such competitions because it is very stuffy in there - extremely poor ventilation and bad sanitation.

Birthday Girl SALLY!

Fans of Sally are lucky that she spent her birthday in Malaysia. So, there I was having a good time at two birthday parties with Sally. Isn't Sally adorable?

An autographed t-shirt from Sally.

The shopping group - Sally, Loletta, Jessica, Denise and me went shopping at Mid Valley and KLCC for one whole day! Sally and Loletta are great shoppers and they really mean business when they shop! But still I had so much of fun that day.

G5 - Loletta's bodyguard

Thrash those damn magazine reports and Hong Kong paparazzi who chased after Loletta. I don't understand why must the media create untrue stories to increase sales of their publications. I personally kicked some arse when she was harassed by the media. Being followed and questioned by the paparazzi is irritating and dangerous, I know how it feels now. Loletta is too decent and nice to be treated this way.

persistence

A tree is known by its fruit; we by our deeds. A good deedis never lost; one who sows courtesy reaps friendship, andone who plants kindness gathers love.

- Saint Basil

I am the first to admit that it takes a lot of endurance to mend a relationship, especially when your efforts seem to be met with indifference. When you start giving another person your best, especially in an emotionally entangled relationship, he may not notice it for weeks. This kind of indifference can really sting. You want to go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, and say, "Hello, Thomas, I've just beenkind to you." Thomas would say, "Oh, thank you, I didn't even know it" - not because he was trying to be rude, but because he was preoccupied with himself.

To be patient and go on giving your best, you can't have expectations about how other people are going to respond. You can't afford to ask, "Does he like me? Does he even care?" What does it matter? You're growing. You're learning how to rub off the edges and corners that make human relationships difficult. You are becoming the kind of person that everyone wants to be with, that everyone admires and feels comfortable with.

E.E.

theme

Song : The Reason by Hoobastank

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you


*****

I repeatledly listened to this song in the last four days. Each time I did, I thought about the people in my life whom I have allowed to slip and fall. People I professed to love and care but I didn't stand-up for. I am not elavating my status by placing myself higher in rank than everyone else. I am no where near to being perfect.

However, when I focus out of myself and onto others, I feel them. I have fallen in love with people. This world is no longer about me and what I want. In the pursuit of my dreams, I am doing so in relation to other people. No man is an island and we are not self-sufficient. We need support, family, friends, care, love and for others to listen to us. Listening is a powerful exercise. When I listen to a friend with every part of body, mind and spirit; the entire ambience in the room shifted. I no longer hear the formation and sound of words but I intuitively feel her feelings. The throbbing pain she experienced around her heart region becomes mine.

It is normal that we only listen to those who share common problems with us. We rarely care about the success and happiness they are experiencing. Even if we do, we try to find faults and to criticise out of jealousy and envy. Can we put our needs aside for ten minutes and listen with joy and love to what another wishes to share?

When conversing with anyone, we tend to find an opportunity to tell our victim stories too. If friend A talks about her love life, specifically about her first love, we race down our memory lane to locate our first love romance. Is this really sharing or is it a chance for us to unload our personal stories without truly listening to one another?

the reason

Many things happened lately. I can't even begin to describe the intensity of the experiences I went through. So, let me start by saying that I am not a perfect person. There were many things that I shouldn't have done and I will continue to face limitless breakdowns. This is something that I live with everyday, forever. Mistakes and failures will occur without warning. I will be hurt, rejected, disappointed, ridiculed and left behind. But this is good news because I then have an opportunity to improve and to grow. Life cannot be more fulfilling than this. Everything that I do, I am passionate about it. Accidents don't happen. All events occur for a reason. The problem is that not every person gets the messages urgently and takes them seriously. So we go through life leaping from one life boat to another. Nothing spectacular happens because "I am not good enough".

As for me, life is great. I have never felt so much of pain than in the last few days, but life is still great. Even with my imperfections, I will give, love and care for everyone.

Carpe Diem. Seize the day, my friends before we are fed to the fishes in the sea.

it's all coming back

If I have to choose one person other than my parents, one person who shaped my mind and personality; it will be the lady who offered me M & M's and chocolates every time I visited her. She always kept a bottle of the colourful-chocolate-pebbles in her office. Whenever I ran to her for help regarding school work or just to chat, she passed me the bottle.

She showered me with kindness when no one cared or worse, they thought poorly of me. I was ostracized because I was unattractively me. I didn't try to be like them.

Many years lapsed since I left school but memories of her are engraved onto every cel in my body. In fact, when the ride is rough, her kindess and compassion kept me going. Deep down, I know that once upon a time, a nerdy and constantly baffled teenager was salvaged by a caring teacher.

She didn't only teach me law, but she showed to me how to be a person of integrity. There was an incident that brought to light the bulwark of fairness. She protected me against a group of teachers who shamelessly joked about a self-made Teacher's Day card I gave her. Somehow, a law student can't giver her teacher a card of love and appreciation. It became the talk of the town, for reasons I never understood. It was branded "uncool", I was told.

The fabulous news is that she liked the card. I was happy. Not only because she defended me and as a result infuriated her colleagues, but because she stood up for what she believed was right.

We drifted apart after I graduated. I don't know why. Although I talk and think of her regularly. I reckon I praised her endlessly in front of many of my friends. By chance, a classmate of mine met her at a law conference. My name was being mentioned and she remembers nearly everything about me.

It is all coming back now. Time to pick-up the telephone. She no longer lives in my past. I feel her presence once more.

starry poster

star lab

I went for a haircut. My hair is very short now. It happens every six months or so. I have the habit of letting it grow and when I am irritated, crop crop crop.

Ah! Look at the food and how I gracefully attack them. But the point of this photo is my unkempt hair. Yes, I do resemble Hong Kong veteran actress / host, Lydia Sum. (Not anymore)

*************

These will be used as promotional material during the short film festival.

Good luck!

starry starry night

Our short film titled Twinkle Twinkle Big Big Star reached the finals. We will be competing against 7 other finalists this Sunday, August 13th. I look forward to seeing what happens in the end. I used to believe that it does not matter if no one else watches the films I produce or a piece of art I create. Now I realised that this is purely a politically correct statement. Not that it matters - it is not a question of whether it matters or not - but it feels like standing naked in front of a group of strangers. People who would either love, hate or ignore your work. The film-makers are judged and analysed by critics and everyone. What is produced on screen reflects the soul of the makers. I am curious. Is that really me?