the scriptwriter

It is a flaw that I don't want things to finish, to come to a completion and the energy dies a frozen demise. But nothing lasts forever, change is part of nature. The stories that I write always contain a beginning, middle and end. Maybe I hope that as I create I can find the love I am looking for. It never happens the way I wish it to. I feel that as I put out complicated plots and conclude the fate of a sub-character, I killed a part of me. Maybe a part that is way over due for death.

If I keep focusing on what's been in the past and what has ended, then I won't see the glorious path above and before me.

thanks buddies

There are times when I feel scared and uncertain but nothing is more fearful than being alone in a totally new and challenging atmosphere. But when I look back, I see many pairs of strong hands supporting me the best way they can. And it gives me strength and confidence to march forward knowing that my good buddies will always stand by me. My heartfelt gratitude to each and everyone of you.

Even when things are chaotic, beneath the rough current, lays an unmoved root. Whatever the situation may be, it is always more than meets the eye. Go deeper and find love. Everything changes as nothing remains the same. Cherish the good times and learn from the bad. Remember that it is a vicious circle.

Focus out, Wendy and stay connected.

transforming destiny

I have the serenity to accept things that I cannot change

The power to change things that can

And the WISDOM to know the difference.

a child is lost

I watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix three times at the cinema. The reason being I like it despite the rather unfavourable reviews. Of course there are friends who commented that the fifth instalment of HP is boring and that it contained too much talking. In comparison to the first four films, it would appear that book five starts to dwell deeper into emotions and feelings. And I humbly believe that it has the elementary rudiments of infatuated young teenagers and their raging hormones making them go blind.

Building an army, amassing supporters and training for combats have always been associated with adults or at least with boys who have attained the age of majority. Watching Harry and his friends battling the Death Eaters somehow didn't click with many of the audience. HP is no longer fun to watch. It has become deadly serious. Our wide-eye hero is no more a child. And so he cannot rely on the defense of immaturity and ignorance. The audience starts to be less merciful with their judgement.

When Harry mourns the passing of Cedric Diggory, it becomes a dark psychological journey into the mind of a marked wizard. His fears, anger and hatred boil under the surface of his lily-white skin. He faces his own demons when Voldemort invaded his thoughts and for a while was in his Dark Lord's control until -alas- love and truth prevailed.

Yeah, I know I am nuts.

Maybe I do get lost in movies like I do in life. There are times when I can't tell the difference between the reaction of a character in a movie and a person whose response is not scripted and determined by the director. And I ponder upon the reason why this person in real life is not doing what the character did in the movie? Isn't movie suppose to mirror life? Perhaps life is a condensed and blurred version of the simplicity in storytelling.

If I have a choice, I'd love to live in stories instead. I'd like to be Harry Potter.

while I was sleeping

It is very rare that I remember my dreams of the night before. I merely awake having the feeling that I was involved in some subconscious nocturnal motions. It is a pity that I have such short-lived memories. However two nights ago, I have a strong recollection of the major events that happened in my dream in the morning. The first being water and I am alert to the fact that this is not that first time I have dreamt about water. It is a common and recurring theme that I am familiar with. Water, one of the four elements, symbolises the unconscious, an emotional state of mind and also leans over to spirituality, knowledge and the emergence of an unknown territory. I am not surprised because I am a highly sensitive and emotional person, right-brain dominated and intuitive. At the same time I am also very drawn to spirituality and healing. Dreams containing water are greatly anticipated.

I recall being in a place that evokes an Egyptian temple with a lot of tunnels. But the tunnels were filled with water that was flowing with strong waves. I was bare-footed and initially the water level was quite shallow reaching only to my ankles. The water was calm, clear and of blue and green colour. There were living creatures in the water, organisms that were visible to the eyes but not something I could put a name to. There were plenty of them everywhere and I was meticulously trying to not step on them. I felt frightened and nervous. Nevertheless, I went straight ahead and did what I needed to do, which was to continue the path that led me to great adventures.

The water level increased rapidly and before I knew it I was walking on water! It was amazing and I never felt happier, enjoying total freedom and power. And after a while I noticed that I wasn’t walking but actually gliding and surfing with not a board but my bare feet. The strange thing is that I was surfing against the flow of the water in those never ending tunnels. The water rushed with immense velocity beneath me and I felt I was gliding up hill, swerving to the left and right. There was a force, an invisible force that propelled me forward even with the direction of the water gushing in opposition to me. There was no struggle, fight or panic. I was aware, humble, joyous and free. The intangible vehicle that kept me afloat, I have no idea what it was, but I have a strange premonition that it has a connection to the second facet of my dream.

The journey of water surfing came to an end and I saw before me a long pathway in the open leading to the door of a giant ancient kingdom. The stream of water suddenly terminated and I was to take my first step on solid ground that seemed like red earth. The weather was dry and hot and so in my mind, I believed that the ground would burn my shoeless feet. But it didn’t stop me from making my first step and to my surprise, the earth welcomed me.

Before I could relish another moment, I was transported into a room. There were people in the room practicing meditation in front of a Teacher that I can’t recollect. Sitting next to me was an existing Tibetan Buddhist monk, Lama Zopa. We are learning meditation together. We didn’t exchange any words but he saw me and acknowledged my presence with an assuring smile.

I know who Lama Zopa is but I have not had any thoughts about him for a long period of time and I don’t know how long. I have not read his works and books in detail. I merely know that he is a much respected high lama. So, we can’t be meditating together. My question is who was our Teacher?

When light penetrated my eyes, I knew it was time to wake-up. I saw that there was an abrasion on my right hand, more akin to slight bleeding under the skin in the form of a long scratch. I have no idea how it happened or if I was hurt while sleeping.This has never occurred before. Maybe the intensity of the dream caused my body to physically react.

The peculiar thing about this entire dream is that it left me with a feeling of wanting to forget my past, memories and experiences. I don’t feel like a new born child of the second coming. I just feel that my identity, all that have been established about me, is not me. I unexpectedly dropped many things behind. I hope to feel nearer to nature. That’s all. Certain things changed in me. I know it is only a dream but dream can be our closest bond to the unexplored.

the embedded prophecy

And Lord Gordon solemnly spoke to Knight Sherton, "I know of your loyalty to me. I know you swear your oath to no one but me. But now my son..." Knight Sherton interrupted and for the first time in his life tears streamed down the scars that marked each battle he fought for Lord Gordon. His wrinkled face ached in pain and hatred. "My Lord. I fight for no one but you. I will die for you for such death will not be in vain."

"That is why, my brave knight. You will also fight and die for my son, Kurtlin. For in him you see me as it is my blood that flows in his body. When he speaks, I speak. Your loyalty to him is loyalty to me."

"But my Lord, my love for you is for none other. I can serve no other but you. My soul is bound to your feet. May death takes me than to serve another."

Lord Gordon was extremely please by the faithfulness of his servant. The brave warlord has proven himself worthy of his love and trust. But deep down, Lord Gordon knows that age will not permit his strength to further hold the throne and defend his land; Kurtlin will soon have to replace him. It is at such time that a young and inexperience mind needs the guidance of a seasoned and courageous warlord. Knight Sherton fits the role but for his sentimentality.

"May I have an audience with you, my Lord?" spoke the voice of child.

"Sherton, I would like to meditate now."

"Yes, my Lord." After a strong and bold bow to his lordship, Knight Sherton marched out of the study chamber.

"Siddhi, my wise spiritual guide," exclaimed Lord Gordon.

Slowly, in front of Lord Gordon's golden desk, from a wisp of silver sparks took the shape of a boy barely the age of ten.

“Sentimentality hides malice.”

“You wouldn’t suggest that Sherton plots against my empire?”

Siddhi heaved out a sharp laughter and looked at Lord Gordon innocently. “No. Unless you give him a reason to.”

“It is ridiculous! Kurtlin is my son, the rightful heir to the throne. How dare he revolt against my lineage? That’s treason and the punishment is nothing less than death!”

“My Lord, your temper is rising quickly. I advise you to calm down. People are funny. They fight and kill over what they call territory. They fence what is theirs and claim ownership over it. As if their life means nothing without the physical things they own. With what they fenced up for themselves, they build a so-called empire, lay down rules to govern their things and attack all who invade their space. One thousand years from now, it is known as terrorism and religion gets the blame. Very primitive, don’t you think so? Anyway, let’s get back to Sherton. Do you know how many scars he has on his face for protecting your throne and empire?”

“No.”

“7 and 18 more on his back and 4 across his chest.”

“Well, Sherton is a brave and good warrior. The best I have seen.”

“That is not the point, my Lord. He only wants to serve you.”

“Yes, I know. My honourable knight.”

“Because he cannot tolerate another living creature to be better than him in your eyes.”

“That’s the character, Siddhi. That’s why I like about Sherton. He is competitive.”

“Sherton only wants to win your trust and praise. By virtue of your trust in another person, even if it is your son, he feels downgraded. That he is no longer the brave and good warrior because you have another choice. And this will be a source of all conflicts.”

“Very clever, Siddhi. You are truly remarkable for you age. But then again, you are my guide. You have pointed out something very important and I have just the right solution for it. I will organize a mock battle, a competition to feed on Sherton’s combative energy. And it will be a fight in honour of my son Kurtlin, my royal lineage. When Sherton’s wins in this battle, it will reinforce his need to serve me and my family.”

“This will only be destructive. Sherton will fall deeper. His jealousy of others and the dire need for approval from you will make him insane. He will fall.”

“So be it. What better way for me to command my army than to play with their minds? Now he will even die for me. Isn’t that marvelous?”

“Sherton needs your compassion and kindness.”

“Don’t speak to me about weakness. Kindness and all that rubbish are for women. And women suffer because of that. They are fragile and powerless. Now, if you would excuse me, my wise spiritual guide. I have a battle to plan. Be off!”

Siddhi snaps his finger and the silver sparks carried him into the next dimension where his teacher, The Hermit awaits him with a message.

“Men always prayed for victory, wealth, position, power, world peace but achieved through war and Earth be a better place. But no one prays for him or herself to change. For change is fearful as it highlights that one has flaws and is imperfect. And so, they deny and deny until the layers of lies they build collapse. And so, the world shall end.”

my type of band

Song title : Out In Space
Sung by: Travis
Written by : Fran Healy (the band leader of Travis)

"The Boy With No Name" is the fifth album by Scottish band Travis. I discovered them through their song "All I Wanna Do Is Rock" in 1997. It was the year they released their first album, "Good Feeling". I absolutely love their music as it incorporates a slight tinge of celtic rhythm and the rest is filled with tons of alternative-rock passion. Truly unique and Fran Healy is a talented songwriter and singer.

As great as this band is, these fellows often are ignored by mainstream listeners, rock music followers and it is not surprising that they titled their third album, "The Invisible Band"; although their music is very pleasing to the ears. Their music is highly melodic and Fran produces sensible lyrics as we can read below.

I especially like "Out In Space" from their new album mainly because the lyrics have so much of depth and wisdom. Enjoy!

Oh my friend
We have spent
So much time looking for someone to blame
'Cause we're the same
And jealous games
Take up time we could spend on other things
Oh my friend
If it ends
Let us go and then not look back again
We can’t be
You and me
Taking ourselves much too seriously

But out in space
A million miners work upon
The night’s coal face
But all I see is black
And all the stars look back
At me

Oh my friend
What a friend
I’d have thought you’d have stayed here till the end
To take a bow
Draw the crowd
We’re just words in the sand at high tide

But out in space
A million miners work upon
The night’s coal face
And all I see is black
And all the stars look back at me

Oh my friend
We should spend
Some more time looking from the other end
'Cause we would see
So clearly
We blame ourselves as much as we blame we
We blame ourselves as much as we blame we
We blame ourselves

keep the faith

It is very easy to have faith in God, religion, an ideology, our family, lovers, friends, an idea, science and art when life is not troubled by broken dreams and death. When the nectar of paradise is the only substance our tongue tastes each time we open our eyes, we believe that our faith in whatever it is works and nothing will ever go wrong. To the contrary, once we are surrounded by problems, challenges and obstacles, we either cling on to our faith to help us through or question its validity and reliability.

But what is faith? Maybe the question should be, why do need to have faith in anything? Very often, it is about having convictions in something outside of ourselves like our complete devotion to a particular religious creed, a system, a person, an opinion or some sacred texts. By having something to believe in externally, it provides us the security of not being alone. That something bigger and infinite are constantly watching over us to put us on the right passageway. It is safe and certain to have a sure way of life and to follow a proper code of conduct.

We prefer to believe (or have faith in) that we have freedom of choice, speech and thought. The American constitution guarantees this and so do many constitutions of the democratic world. What is intriguing is that our most basic right to talk, to choose what we want in life and what views we wish to follow have to be written down in a piece of parchment, signed and sealed by some fellows who swear to protect us from tyranny and nepotism. But then, who practices autocracy in the name of democracy? Who oppresses the impoverished to earn more profits only to donate them again in the name of charity?

It is amazing what faith can do to man. It is equally puzzling how the lack of faith can weaken man. Since the beginning of mankind, we have always sought for answers to the same question – our creation, the mysteries of life itself. Until today, we are still dabbling on the fringes of reality. One theory is as probable as the next. Every hypothesis debunks itself and all is in a constant flux. And so faith keeps our feet planted firmly on the ground and offers temporary satisfactions to our lonely souls.

what is not spoken

When Leo knelt down to pray, his soon to be ex-wife sat down on the floor next to him. He sensed her presence but was afraid to open his eyes for this could be the last time he sees Tina as his lawful wedded wife. He has to get used to the term "ex-wife".

Tina placed her hand tenderly on his and they prayed together. Leo was asking for the reasons his wife is leaving him. It was not for a better looking man, not for a woman either, not for wealth as he is a fairly rich and famous musician. If it was for either one of the above reasons, it would have terribly humiliated him and he wondered if his friends will stop teasing him. But it remains that he is not the most loyal of a husband. There were times when he derailed into the arms and bed of a young pop singer or a desperate corporate executive searching for erotic sex in the embrace of an artist. They affair didn't last very long or it never went beyond a one-night-stand. His friends did it and if he didn't, he was no longer fashionable. He definitely believed that their sexual life was still peaking after eight years of marriage. As a husband he listened to her but also expected her to listen to him and he provided for her every need. Maybe she is going to tell him that she cannot accept his sexual excursions with other women. She wanted him to be faithful. This must be the reason Tina is asking for a separation.

WIth her hand on his, Tina prayed for the happiness of her husband wherever he goes. She asked for him to stop seeking for logical reasons that this marriage draws to an end. She knows about his love affairs and that was not the reason she asked for a divorce. It is not a question of whether she could tolerate her husband's unfaithfulness because she understands that a person's heart is capable of loving more than one person simultaneously. But her husband did not love anyone except himself. His affairs were nothing more than games he played along with his elite all boys club; competing to prove one another's virility and cash flow. Lying underneath his childish actions, he is trying to search for security though music, marriage, sex, power and wealth. He doesn't understand even after a long and tiring search that security does not exist, not externally. Throughout the years, Tina is aware that she became his pillar of certainty and stability. It allowed him to trip and fall but it didn't do one thing for him, which is to help him grow and be a responsible adult. She continues to pray for Leo's well being and that one day he realises within himself that all that he is searching for amounts to nothing; that love is to be extended to others for it to flourish.

Tina released her hand, bent over to kiss his cheek. Without pausing for another moment, she got up and left, closing and starting a new chapter in her life.

Leo opened his eyes and tears soaked his ego inflated face.

to the trusted one

Caleb allowed me to see him this time because he says that he begins to trust me. I am not sure what he means by that. It amuses me to see how others have access to his private life. They spend time with him and did everything that a junior swordsman like me wishes to do with the dashing senior who is a five-year-champion at the Musharagi Dojo.

Maybe I shouldn’t generalize. Not every junior swordsman shares my devotion. From the beginning, mine is not blind faith. It means that I have a heart and values of my own. That there are certain actions I do not condone even when the doer is Caleb.

It is very easy to brand me arrogant and rude for at times I refuse to give in to Caleb because reason tells me that he is abusing his position as a celebrity sportsman. Some of the practitioners are aware of his affair with the Master’s sister who is married. It is not entirely fair for me to intervene into the love life of another person and to judge him right or wrong.

Finally, it is not a question of morality based on what society demands and the ritualistic sphere of the sanctity of marriage. I have loved a person I know I shouldn’t have. But I allowed myself the freedom and space to enjoy this feeling of betrayal and to test the limits of loyalty. In the end, it is not about winning and taking possession of a new love. In fact I gained nothing physically except for a few simple presents that we exchanged along the way. It is actually a chance for me to grow and experience the balance of giving and taking. I was faced with the chance to examine my own obsession with kindness, which may very well be a tool that I use to create a debt. What I give in benevolence causes the recipient to feel obligated. And this happens because the gift was not required in the first place. It is just made to form an impression, a positive impression.

Caleb asked me to join him for lunch and I thought I would be excited. I listed down ten questions that I always wanted to ask him about swordsmanship and swords handling techniques. I am not sure what flushed away the excitement and anticipation and if I tried too hard to form a friendship with him.

Well, yes, I did want to be Caleb’s friend but I never intended to be his follower. Although I see that his skills are much higher than mine, I don’t find it justified for him to discriminate and criticize the beginners. His fault finding attitude is nothing short of foolish pride and boiling beneath the surface, insecurity.

Whether I like it or not, Caleb speaks a lot about rules and demands to be respected because it is one of the ways to show our admiration for him. There are many young and impressionable juniors who declare their allegiance and support for him. But Caleb needs to be constantly reassured and when he is totally satisfied that one can be trusted, he allows you into his inner circle, to serve him.

And Caleb is successful at this because he knows that the juniors want to be seen with him, they yearn the flamboyant association. Perhaps, I shouldn’t oversimplify the intentions of the juniors for I am no mind reader. It could be that the juniors just wish for plain recognition from Caleb and they think highly of his achievements. Whatever it is, the basic need to idolize another person is a crucial factor that Caleb uses to amass a group of submissive devotees. Since the admirers claim that they are fond of him, then it is up to them to prove their case. Instead of feeling blessed and thankful for their support, Caleb calls for more evidence because he refuses to reciprocate compassionately to those who admire him. The only way which he can respond to them is to make them work for him and to carry out minion tasks at his pleasure. It is only through the benefits that he reaps from his followers can he can utter a lonely “thank you” to them.

To cover-up his ill intent, Caleb pretends that he is imparting great wisdom of the sword to his admirers. Nevertheless, he is only pointing out their mistakes to reinforce the truth that they need to continue supporting him to learn more, to improve their pathetic selves. Most of the juniors endure his treatment and term it a challenge that the great Caleb posed to them.

No one needs to be controlled, conditioned and taught a set of rules and regulations to solely serve one dictator. In this case, the dictator is Caleb. If Caleb asserts that he is a mentor and leader of the team, his duty is to serve them and to seek and magnify the potential of his team members. It is not for him to demoralize and judge others as weak and useless and he needs to teach them lessons. It is also not training through servitude. This is selfish and mean.

Caleb gets very angry if at the dojo, one drinks the tea served before him. He calls it disrespecting the hero and it is bad manners. I call it bullshit. I call it one man playing God to his subjects and using etiquette to control their behaviour. Tell me if it is really impolite to drink before Caleb does or to eat before one’s parents do? Is it really respect that we are talking about or the fear of punishment and back stabbing from our siblings that stop us from picking the first piece of chicken? In short, it is fear that motivates us to be polite to others. It is a stereotype that one must be polite to be lovable. Again, one is prompted to act and to do things to make others happy so that we gain more than them. Respect is only an issue for the small minded for it is cunningly crafted to exercise one’s power and authority, to feel big and important.

But I strongly believe that other than etiquette and good manners, one’s values and ethics are based on something much potent and selfless. It is something that Caleb will not understand and have a taste of. It is an abstract concept of justice and compassion that is not caused by fear, insecurity, anger and jealousy. It is living in a world that has sufficient abundance for all and from this standpoint; one interacts with everyone in all relationships without being self-righteous.

When I met Caleb for lunch, while he was busy talking to the rest, I took the first sip of tea and helped myself to the sushi. Prudence is wisdom.

the meltdown

My concern is to address certain issues that have been bothering me lately. I woke up one morning realising that I merely think I know. But it is only a belief for if I truly knew, what is the point of thinking? One only needs to think when one is unsure and does not know. When one fully knows, thinking about anything becomes redundant. Thinking and thoughts will not arise. All mental activities cease.

Maybe this is enlightenment, a state of complete bliss that Buddha speaks of vehemently in the Dharma. However, many dangers arise from wanting to reach enlightenment. It is not something that we can reach and become. To become something else means dropping our current habits, ideas, concepts, lifestyles, ideologies and philosophies to change into a new being. Just like taking off a pair of sports shoes and putting on a pair of formal leather shoes to attend a conference. I am no longer casually dressed but become professional in appearance. Alternatively, I can switch camps from being a Buddhist to a Christian or a socialist to a capitalist. In the end, it could still be a play of ideas and words.

As I can be easily attached to my self-interests, it is simply a matter of time that I am attached to being enlightened, to knowing. The catch is this, one that I named a holy trap in disguise, why in the world would anyone seek enlightenment? I am inquiring into this question. In the Diamond Sutta, it was said that enlightenment is only possible because of our human conditions, i.e. our many flaws. Human beings are inherently full of anger, desires and delusions that lead to endless pains and sufferings. And no one wants to suffer and everyone wants to be happy. Following neatly is the calling for one to be compassionate and caring. So, one ought to be kind and polite.

Like I said earlier, it is a holy trap. It is not the fault of any religion or humans' natural frailties, I dare say it is only because we think we know and stop there. Kindness is a tool and so is compassion. It is a description of a burning passion in the hearts of man. Descrptions are purely descriptions. They are not the burning passion itself. Descriptions and tools can be manipulated to control another person; likewise so can kindness and compassion when conditions are tied to any acts of charity. How many times have we extended a dollar or two to a beggar out of pity? But pity and sympathy somewhat comes from the same root, fear. We sympathise probably because we feel that we are luckier and better than the beggar or a man of dignity should be fed a warm meal or I can afford it.

But the question is this, why is anyone better than another just because one has more money and owns a house while the other owns pratically nothing? Isn't it a judgement that we exercise out of our feeling higher in rank and ego than one who we want to see as poorer and unfortunate?

a letter from chief seattle

The President of the United States of America purported to buy a piece of land in the 1800 from Chief Seattle, chief of the Suquamish Indians. And it was alleged that Chief Seattle wrote a letter in reply to the President. While it was said that the letter created an impact to those who read it, I wonder if it is an over statement. Although the letter seems powerful in words, it did not do so in action for man continued to butcher and destroy nature in the name of development. People acknowledge their differences but do not loosen their limitations to embrace one another. But I hope that it has at least planted a seed in the deep consciousness of man to realise that as children of this pale blue dot known as Earth, it is our responsibility to love, care and protect her and each other.

With this, I humbly reproduce the letter for your reading.

"The President in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our land. But how can you buy or sell the sky? the land? The idea is strange to us. If we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them?

Every part of the earth is sacred to my people. Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every meadow, every humming insect. All are holy in the memory and experience of my people.

We know the sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins. We are part of the earth and it is part of us. The perfumed flowers are our sisters. The bear, the deer, the great eagle, these are our brothers. The rocky crests, the dew in the meadow, the body heat of the pony, and man all belong to the same family.

The shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not just water, but the blood of our ancestors. If we sell you our land, you must remember that it is sacred. Each glossy reflection in the clear waters of the lakes tells of events and memories in the life of my people. The water's murmur is the voice of my father's father.

The rivers are our brothers. They quench our thirst. They carry our canoes and feed our children. So you must give the rivers the kindness that you would give any brother.

If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us, that the air shares its spirit with all the life that it supports. The wind that gave our grandfather his first breath also received his last sigh. The wind also gives our children the spirit of life. So if we sell our land, you must keep it apart and sacred, as a place where man can go to taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers.

Will you teach your children what we have taught our children? That the earth is our mother? What befalls the earth befalls all the sons of the earth.

This we know: the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

One thing we know: our God is also your God. The earth is precious to him and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator.

Your destiny is a mystery to us. What will happen when the buffalo are all slaughtered? The wild horses tamed? What will happen when the secret corners of the forest are heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the ripe hills is blotted with talking wires? Where will the thicket be? Gone! Where will the eagle be? Gone! And what is to say goodbye to the swift pony and then hunt? The end of living and the beginning of survival.

When the last red man has vanished with this wilderness, and his memory is only the shadow of a cloud moving across the prairie, will these shores and forests still be here? Will there be any of the spirit of my people left?

We love this earth as a newborn loves its mother's heartbeat. So, if we sell you our land, love it as we have loved it. Care for it, as we have cared for it. Hold in your mind the memory of the land as it is when you receive it. Preserve the land for all children, and love it, as God loves us.

As we are part of the land, you too are part of the land. This earth is precious to us. It is also precious to you.

One thing we know - there is only one God. No man, be he Red man or White man, can be apart. We ARE all brothers after all."

de-composition

This is a story of Richard. To begin with, he is a regular man as what a lot of people love to say, "Hei! I am just human, an ordinary guy. Like everyone else, I am normal." As a result of hearing that, we nod our heads in agreement as if we all fall into the same category of being normal. My question is, what is deemed to be normal and what amounts to novelty? Perhaps it is safe to assume that by doing what everyone else in a community is acting upon means one is normal. And if one does something to the contrary that is not expected, well it becomes a controversy. However, people on the whole have an addiction for the unusual.

Open the newspapers and you find that news, which attract the headlines are totally abnormal. Journalism 101: only report news that are interesting. This means journalists are to write about events that are not everyday happenings. We receive updates on wars, genocide, violence against women, poverty, child abuse, robbery, unexplained phenomena, financial crisis and business growth among others. We don't really get to read about Mr. Richard's daily activities of what he does when he wakes up in the morning until he knocks out at night. In fact we hardly come across write-ups on the peace and beauty of a place unless it is a travel column. This too with the purpose of trying to promote its uniqueness to potential tourists.

If we are to properly observe the way news are reported, our thoughts work on two hypothesis. The first one being, everything that is good, in order, normal, in control, perfect and acceptable based on certain agreed standards whether locally or internationally; they need not be talked about, We are not interested. The next hypothesis is that, we want to know about things that fall out of line, exceed set limits, crazy, unpredictable, a miracle, unacceptable, cruel, oppressive, controversial and just down right immoral. Turn on the tv and you see these cravings blazing and flickering in motion.

We want to know about how people are persecuted in wars because peace is assumed, liberty and freedom are inborn rights. This is what democracy granted to mankind and we enjoy it. And once our rights are transgressed, this is worth writing about and a precious topic to highlight to the world because what is initially mine is taken away. A different cause of event has happened and the rest should know about it.

Now, let's say that Mr. Richard does something weird. It is "weird" because it is a thing the entire country he lives in would not have done. Trust me that reporters will take the first flight out to get to the location to cover this "hot" news. Because this news will sell better than ipods and PSP combine! And this is because readers have a dire need for refreshing and inviting situations, other than what they experience daily. I wouldn't deny that we have noble intentions to find out about certain social issues and the devastations that befall other nations. There are readers who are appalled by news reporting on death and affliction of pain on a living being.

I am merely making a suggestion and I am not playing judge to either the press or the readers. I am inviting you to be aware of the way we think, especially of our fixed ideas on what is right and wrong. There is no need to blame others or most importantly oneself for any misfortunes. Just something to ponder upon. Is there a need to feel blessed and thankful for the pleasure and richness that nurture one's life? I think, there is no need if it comes from the point of view that one is better than some other poor people. Maybe this is only another type of oppression. Perhaps we are only thankful that everything else existed since eons ago and the very beginning for us to be who we are. You are who you are now because everything is the way it is. Then, feel blessed.

What is the story of Richard?

the elegant way

A good friend of mine who is an avid professional photographer looked through some of the pictures I shot and provided some valuable comments. I realised at which part I could improve on and what are the steps that I can take to do so.

For example the photo below, my friend suggested that the orientation can be made better by finding a focus point. The model is pretty but I didn't maximise her beauty. Instead of revealing her entire hand right up to the bend of the elbow, which deviates from her attentiveness and the glow of her eyes, it is artistic composition to pull the attention of viewer to her well proportionate face.

With a cropped version of the same photo, one can straight away focus on her gentle smile and her penetrating stare. Over and above this, a viewer can clearly see her leaving of a signature below her art work. This portrays a kind of completeness and relationship between the object and her actions.

There is much to learn and apply in photography and I am thankful that I have a friend who puts me on the right starting track. There are certain guidelines that I must be aware of, that can be of assistance to my making the photos pleasing to viewers. Nevertheless they remain as guidelines that are flexible, which can be bent and ignored in the name of creativity. But before I embark on being ignorant of such guidelines, it is best for me to learn them well so that I truly understand the art and science of photography.

As another friend voiced out my arrogance, I shall not try to be humble but embrace my ego trip with pride. If this is the way I am, then accept it. What I resist, persists. It is really about time I begin to honestly love myself.

a smile works wonders

I went to the bank today, and one ponders upon the might of technology that gave birth to paperless banking and e-banking. I expected every transaction to be done without delay and with much less hassle. Instead of filling up layers of forms and queuing for hours, all the customers need to do is to bring their I.D. card, get it scanned and plus a few clicks on a touch screen pc; deal concluded.

To my surprise, I witnessed the bank teller requesting customers to write on pages of forms, she having to scribble on three log books and key in some information on an old computer. Before I knew it, at least eight people were seeking her service, me included.

I also noticed how delicate she was at handling the crowd and even though she didn't have the ease of technology by her side, she managed to do everything effortlessly. One could say that she is used to the old system and that she is merely working to earn a salary.

In this case, I beg to differ because I feel that she was enjoying her work tremendously and the existence of high-tech computers could not have mattered very much to her. To her calculators, printers, scanners and thumb drives were accessories. The motherboard is her heart, and in fact that is all one needs. She attended to every customer with the same dedication and responsibility and always with a smile.

Finally, it is people and not machines that create life and make everything worthwhile.

me a tortured genius *faint* give it a try.

You Are 88% Tortured Genius

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood. Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

a helping hand

I take the public transport very often, commuting from Seremban, where I live to Kuala Lumpur, where I work and meet-up with friends. These short travels exposed to me many facets of humanity and in particular would be one long-haired-soft-spoken man and a rather rounded lady. I see them very often at bus stations, train stations and shopping malls.

Both of them, I have helped as in, I gave them money. I know that they are charlatans, conartists and they make a living out of cheating others. They tell the same story about losing their wallets or they forgot to bring cash with them and they are in dire need of buying a ticket to get somewhere because a relative is ill. I wonder if they have such good memory that they remember who they have taken from and who they have not. They probably end up approaching the same person twice!

I am not sure if they know each other, that they belong to a gang or some sort. Well, the reason of my bringing up this story is because I saw the long-haired man today at the Seremban bus station, putting on his act and leveraging on the symphaty of his victim. He managed to ask for RM20.00 from a person who might thought he did an act of kindness.

The long-haired man saw me and perhaps recognised that I was one of his earlier candidates and so quickened his steps.

I am sure both of them will remember me because when I handed them a small amount of money on two unrelated incidents, I said, "I know you are lying to me and you do this all the time. You walk around searching for people to take from them their hard earned money. You tell sad but very unbelievable stories. I want you to remember that one day, if someone genuinely comes to you for help and not like you pretending, you will sincerely extend a helping hand. This is why I am giving you the money."

I really hope the day will come.

reflection

It is very easy to lose one's way and feel extremely depressed. If I were to tell you why, I can't believe the reasons either because ultimately, they are mere stories and excuses.; someone else did this to me and I didn't get what I want. You know, "I want" are two powerful words, whether it is a verb or there exsits an object of desire. The peace and harmony in a group is disturbed by a "mad chicken" who irritates everyone with her arrogance and ignorance. As a result, I want justice to be done and the "mad chicken" taught a lesson. When I examine the issue further, it is about the survival of a group of people who shares a common goal and wanting to keep things safe and predictable. The "mad chicken" disrupts the stability and threatens the position of the group. And the joke is, her actions are judged base on my kind of justice and morality. It is based on what "I want" and what "I want" is in accordance to the common goal of the group. This happens everywhere but I guess it is always important to be forgiving of others because in this instance, someone else is the "mad chicken" but I strongly believe in the eyes of the Queen of Pop, I am also a "mad chicken". Mercy! Mercy!

How simple it is to label and criticise another person because he / she is not behaving in a way that "I want".

within fixed limits

Some time back, many people warned me that I am walking on dangerous grounds. What I want is silly and unrealistic. My question is, does anyone else know what it is that I wish for? Perhaps they only know from their point of view as to what my actions entail. However, they have no idea what my mind intends. Actions can be deceiving because interpretations differ from one person to another. Within fixed limits of understanding, people judge one another and believe themselves right. This is the real danger.

Everyone wants to be right. The human mind is obssessed with everything being either right or wrong. It is very worrying as a wronged view is often criticised and outcasted. I am not saying that murder is right. But what I am saying is that cultural rules are neither right nor wrong. There is a disparity between what is life threatening such as robbing another person and whether a rich boy marrying a young female clerk is acceptable by the standard of the society or not. We must not view all poor people as criminals just as we cannot condemn affluent families to be oppressors.

I think we should first free ourselves from mental conditionings and stop finding so much of pleasure from bitching about others.

Some joys are better expressed in silence as a smile holds more meaning than words.

All the best. I am certain everything will be intently great.

Sorry for not being there this time.

You will always have my support, in every way possible.

the Pearl of the Orient

March 1st - March 5th, 2007

Many thanks to my dear friends Emily, Uzial and Maggie for taking good care of me whenever I am there. It is always fun to be chit-chatting away until early morning.

My love and gratitude to the very special LC. You make the journey memorable.

To T.K , Sean and Vic: Metta. May peace be with you and your family.

For the friends who have been supporting and advising me, you know who you are, I send you my sincere thanks.